Someone writes to you every day.
They remember small things. They ask about your family, your plans, the way your day went. They seem to have an answer for everything you have been missing.
Soon they say they love you.
You have not met, but they feel closer than people you see every week.
Then, one day, there is a problem.
A parent is in hospital. An account is frozen. A business payment is delayed. A flight has been booked, but another fee must be paid.
They never wanted to ask you for help, they say.
Now they have no one else.
Here is what I want you to notice.
The request for money may be the last step in the story. The real work began when someone taught you to feel responsible for their happiness.
That is why romance fraud can hurt people who are smart, caring, and careful in every other part of life.
Why the scam feels personal
A fraudster may learn what matters to you before asking for anything.
If faith matters, they speak your language of faith.
If family matters, they talk about building a home.
If you have been lonely, they make themselves available at every hour.
If you have been hurt, they promise never to hurt you.
None of those words proves someone is a criminal. Real people share values and make promises too.
But notice the pattern when a person seems to know exactly what you want while giving you little you can verify about their own life.
You know their feelings.
Do you know their facts?
This is the first test: Does the amount of trust match the amount of evidence?
Intimacy is not identity
You might have photographs, messages, voice notes, even video calls.
Those things build familiarity. They do not always prove identity.
Images can be stolen or made with AI. Video and documents may be manipulated. A story may contain real places and real names.
Ask a simple question.
If I removed the photographs and the romantic words, what facts about this person could I confirm on my own?
Not what they have told you.
What you have verified without their help.
Do they refuse to meet without a clear, consistent reason? Do stories change? Do they resist reasonable questions? Do they urge you to keep the relationship secret?
One sign alone does not prove fraud.
Several signs, together with pressure for money or personal information, deserve serious attention.
The shift from love to duty
Watch for sentences that turn affection into a test.
"If you loved me, you would help."
"You are the only one I trust."
"I thought you were different."
"Do not tell your family. They will not understand us."
A request for help is not always manipulation.
But when someone tells you that saying no means you do not love them, your freedom is being reduced.
A healthy person may feel disappointed by a boundary. They still respect your right to set it.
A scammer often makes the boundary itself the problem.
This is why an urgent money request is such an important warning sign.
The UK government's fraud guidance advises people not to send money, vouchers, cryptocurrency, or investments to someone they have only met online.
You do not need to prove the person is a scammer before refusing.
The three-minute pressure test
If someone online asks you for money, access to accounts, ID documents, gifts, or financial help, do this before you respond.
First: Remove the deadline.
Write: "I do not make money decisions under pressure. I will not send funds."
Notice whether they respect it or invent a new crisis.
Second: Bring another person into the conversation.
Tell someone you trust what you have been asked to do. Show them the messages.
A relationship that only feels safe when nobody else knows about it needs a closer look.
Third: Separate love from payment.
Ask yourself: "If I never send money, will this person still want to know me?"
Their answer may tell you something. Their behaviour over time tells you more.
Do not send money as an experiment to see what happens. Do not share one-time passcodes, bank details, passwords, identity documents, or intimate images to prove trust.
If you already sent money
You have not lost the right to protect yourself.
Stop further payments. Contact your bank or payment provider right away. Explain that you suspect romance fraud and ask about recovering the money.
Save the messages, account details, requests, and transaction records. Report the profile to the dating or social platform.
In England and Wales, use Report Fraud at https://www.reportfraud.police.uk/. In Scotland, contact Police Scotland. In the United States, you can report to the Federal Trade Commission at https://reportfraud.ftc.gov/.
Do not send another payment to someone who promises to recover your money for an advance fee.
If you feel ashamed, remember that a person chose to deceive you. Shame is not a reason to stay silent. Speaking up may protect your money and somebody else's.
There is another question beneath the fraud question
Suppose the person was genuine.
Would the speed, secrecy, pressure, or loss of boundaries still concern you?
If so, you have learned something wider than how scams operate.
You may have learned where your desire to be loved makes it hard to say no.
That is worth exploring with care, without blaming yourself for someone else's dishonesty.
Your next step
Keep one rule: no money or financial commitments to a person you know only online, no matter how moving the story sounds.
If you are building a long-distance connection, read In Love With Someone You've Never Met? It explores how to separate a meaningful online bond from the life you are imagining together.
For deeper relationship decision work, the Evan Evans Academy examines trust, boundaries, emotional pressure, and what healthy behaviour looks like over time. Fraud safety advice in this article is free because no one should have to pay for the steps that protect them.
Sources: UK Report Fraud, https://www.reportfraud.police.uk/romance-fraud/ ; UK Stop! Think Fraud, https://stopthinkfraud.campaign.gov.uk/protect-yourself-from-romance-fraud/ ; US Federal Trade Commission, https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-know-about-romance-scams .
Evan Evans | Relationship education and personal growth.