Children & Blended Families Premium Read7 min read25 September 2026

Should We Have a Baby, or Are We Trying to Fix the Relationship?

A baby can deepen a strong partnership, but it should not be recruited to repair a weak one. Test whether the desire for a child is separate from the desire to save the relationship.

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Evan EvansAuthor, Relationship Educator
Most useful for: Parenting, stepfamilies, ex-partners, loyalty and family boundaries.

A baby changes a relationship.

It does not arrive as neutral new joy.

It arrives with sleep loss, money, responsibility, physical recovery, less privacy and a permanent connection between two adults.

If the relationship is already unstable, parenthood usually adds pressure before it adds solutions.

That is why "maybe a baby will bring us closer" deserves careful examination.

A child should be wanted for themselves

Ask each person separately:

"If our relationship stayed exactly as it is, would I still want to become a parent with this person?"

That question matters.

Wanting a baby because you both want to raise a child is different from wanting a baby because the relationship feels empty, uncertain or fragile.

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