Field Notes
The conversations most couples wish they'd had earlier.
Practical, evidence-informed essays on the decisions that quietly shape a relationship: moving in, money, conflict, trust, commitment, and the ones nobody warns you about.
The library
8
articles · updated regularly · by Evan Evans
Conflict & Communication
On conflict & communication
Each piece is designed to leave you with something to recognise, discuss or do, not just another relationship opinion to consume.
The Pursuer and the Withdrawer: When One Chases and the Other Shuts Down
When one partner chases connection and the other shuts down, both can feel abandoned. Learn how the pursuer-withdrawer loop works and how to interrupt it.
What Defensiveness Is Doing to Your Relationship
Defensiveness protects you from feeling wrong in the moment, but it often leaves your partner alone with the impact. Learn how to respond without surrendering your side.
When Every Conversation Turns Into a Fight
When every serious conversation becomes a fight, the couple often needs a new process before it needs another attempt at the same conversation.
The Difference Between Conflict and Contempt
Conflict says, “We disagree.” Contempt says, “You are beneath me.” Learn why that difference matters and how to recognise the shift.
How to Talk About Something Difficult Without Destroying the Conversation
Difficult conversations go better when the goal is clarity, not victory. Use this structure to raise hard subjects without destroying the conversation.
When Silence Becomes a Weapon
Silence can be healthy space or a form of punishment. Learn how to tell the difference between regulation, withdrawal and the silent treatment.
The Conflict Repair Blueprint: What to Do After the Argument
The argument is not over when the volume drops. Repair is what decides whether conflict becomes learning, resentment or another round of the same fight.
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